When life blows up

I pretty much come to expect a pace of life in which seeing the dinner table free of piles is a cosmic anomaly. Seeing a large part of the kitchen counter is fleeting. And, actually being able to sit on my couch is an impossibility.

Then, in the blink of an eye, the good car gets totaled and someone gets hurt. Let me say this, I have much to thankful for. My husband could very easily have been seriously injured or killed had there been more traffic. I thank God for his life and well being! However, the results of the accident are annoying if not down right irritating.

Now we have to deal with multiple insurance agencies. Tracking time off work and making sure everyone gets the paperwork they need. We have to deal with having one car. We have to replace the good car, when we were just about ready to replace the car that is nearing the end of its life. And in the midst of this, I do wonder how faith impacts this part of my life.

I know, that compared to the rest of the world, I have nothing to complain about. Recently we have been talking about social justice issues in Sunday School and last night we just had a fellowship time about the missionaries and countries where our denomination is spreading the gospel. Many of those people would drool over two running cars - rust or not. Many of the Christians around the globe that we help support, may never own a car, won’t have health insurance to worry about, would be thankful for a back ache instead of an amputation or AIDS.

As I have been reading more about the emerging church movement and changes that are taking place in first world Christianity, I can’t help but see things in a new perspective. And one of things I’m left with is trying to figure out how to make it all apply. How do I deal with the discontent I now feel after seeing how things are not working? How do I do it differently inside a denomination that may not be ready for it? How do you really make the transition to authentic, conscious moment to moment faith when the world around you doesn’t value each moment?

What makes me different in dealing with insurance agents, car salesmen and loan agents? Will they see a sense of peace in the midst of this unexpected event that I know is mine to have through Christ but that I might not be feeling right now? For faith to matter, to be what Christ calls us to, it must make a difference, it must be real, it must be visible.

When life blows up, we must cling to the cross and bathe in His uncompromising love. We must let Him walk with us and consciously take His hand as we negotiate those times where we feel so alone. He has not abandoned us, we are not alone. He will work through us so that we represent Him to the world, even when it feels like it doesn’t make a difference at all. We can never see where it might change someone’s life. Be Christ to the world and let Him worry about the rest.

Where does Your heart want me?

Recently I have had to make a tough decision. Honestly, a life changing decision, the kind of decision that would alter the map of my life. It involved the many facets of decision making — pros and cons, consulting with my elders, prayer, quiet time and discernment. And that, discernment, became the keyword.

Because I’m a Christian one of the most important parts of making this kind of decision is discerning what God thinks about it. And this is the part with the most controversy. How do you know when God is speaking? How clear can you expect Him to be? Will he say yes or no, or do you have to figure out the landscape in between on your own?

People have lots of opinions about this. Some believe that if you pursue Him enough clarity is guaranteed. Others believe it comes down to pros and cons – weigh them out then take a leap of faith. In this case, God trusts you enough to make the decision. (Honestly, if that’s true, then God has more faith in me than I do.)

So, who’s right? How do you discern God’s will? How do you know when He gives an answer?

For me, it has come down to peace. In the face of decision that felt like walking through a field of landmines, peace became the objective. I really began not to care about the outcome as much – I could happily live with either outcome. What I needed was a sense of peace about that decision. “God, where does your heart want me to be?”

I finally made the decision in part because there was no peace at all. No peace about making this huge change. No peace about pursing a perfect opportunity that had been delivered into my lap. No peace.

And as I continued on after making a decision that was hard to deliver and hard to receive, I found peace. And it has been after the decision that peace has come. It has been after listening to a friend who was making a similar decision, with very similar stakes, who said she couldn’t pursue it because she had no peace.

I kept hearing the name A.W. Tozer in relation to decision making. I haven’t finished the book yet, but this paragraph felt very familiar to me…

“And if we are set upon the pursuit of God, He will sooner or later bring us to this test. Abraham’s testing was, at the time, not known to him as such, yet if he had taken some course other than the one he did, the whole history of the Old Testament would have been different. God would have found his man, no doubt, but the loss to Abraham would have been tragic beyond the telling. So we will be brought one by one to the testing place, and we may never know when we are there. At that testing place there will be no dozen possible choices for us—just one and an alternative—but our whole future will be conditioned by the choice we make.” (Pursuit of God, 30.)

My option was a positive one. I was being asked to accept or reject an absolutely perfect opportunity. An opportunity that would change my life and the life of the other people involved. It probably wouldn’t change the course of Christianity, but it would have changed the course of my relationship with God.

He didn’t provide a glittering answer in the nick of time, there was no flash of lightening or a road sign displaying answer, but there was, in the end, peace. A peace I definitely don’t understand, but a peace that leaves me knowing that for now, I have made the right choice; a choice that leads me deeper into the heart of God.